Vanna Readies to Ride the Big-Bird

"Do I look stupid?"

"Hey, I might not be able to human-speak but I don't have an auditory processing disorder."

"So as soon as my humans started talking about moving house I knew something big was up. After all, I've already been moved once before; stuffed in a cage for a long taxi-ride, what cat would ever forget that?"

"But something much more dramatic is afoot this time, I'm sure. Otherwise, why would they be checking my height, length and weight, (I have stunningly-good feline proportions) and talking about the correct cat-cage dimensions for an aircraft? "

( I prefer to call them big-birds)

"And how long is this damn trip going to be, anyway. My humans are talking about spraying pheromones in the cage (It costs $70 -I'm worth it, I tell ya) to calm me."

"Get this one, too: they are going to put rescue remedy (that's $32- but as I told you I am worth it) in my water to settle the nerves. Hmmm, what's wrong with a whiskey and a couple of panadol?

"And where is this place Cambodia?"

"C-A-M-B-O-D-I-A"

"Will they have mice and lizards there?"

-Vanna T. Cat

Vanna's Vacation

No one seems to talk about me much on this blog any more. I don't know why that is but I am going to take things into my own paws and tell you a little about me, and the horrible people who think that they own me. Own me? Ha, we'll see about that!

Here, on the left, you see me, Vanna, in my natural habitat. Ain't I handsome!? Ain't I fierce!? I'm busy keeping an eye on the events in the banana plantation over the fence whilst making sure the mangy soi dogs behave themselves. That's hard work but I also have to watch over and protect my human's house- they are hopless and can't do it for themselves. It's a full-time job. I have to catch mice, rats, lizards and snakes, birds, insects and falling leaves, and I have to growl at the postman. That keeps me busy. But do you think that my humans appreciate the effort?

Nope, they don't. They couldn't care less in fact! So when they decided to jet-off on a holiday they left me behind. That sucks- after all I have done for them!

 Here I am again after being thrown into a cage by one of my mean humans. I am going on a holiday of my own they tell me. OK, I still look handsome but I'm not happy. Would you be?

Shortly after this indignity I was whisked away on a motorcycle. A motorcycle, are my humans mad? Sure, it was exciting for a while but I'm a cat and we aren't made to ride on bikes of any kind. So can you blame me if I yowled and complained and shredded my bag?

And at the end of this rotten ride I found myself at the vet! Nothing good ever happens here. Nothing! But apparently I am staying here for a few weeks. This is my holiday! Some holiday- my humans stink!

I suppose my horrible humans will come back for me but can you blame me for not trusting them after all their lies and deceit? You can be sure that when I do make it home I'll show them who is boss. I'm planning howls to get out at 1 in the morning and again to get in at 3. Then in and out and in again at dawn. I'm planning a few well-timed nips to the ankles and  I am planning a liberal sprinkling of dead insects and rodents throughout the house. And just to be clear I'm going to spread the feathers of any bird I snare all over the floor. My humans hate that. But after all I have been through you wouldn't criticize me for that, would you?

Lots of hisses,

Vanna

Behind Bars

Like a small child after it has been raining, Vanna can't wait to get back outside.

However, outside there often awaits rampaging 'soi' dogs, small, noisy children, motorbikes and neighbours that stamp and clap to make sure he doesn't snatch their catch-of-the-day snared from the local creek.

Vanna is extremely cautious now, and checks out the neighbourhood's safety-rating from inside our front gate before he ventures outside. Very wise!

Vanna's Vet Vexation

I'm telling you, Vanna packs the same sort of punch as Cybil. He really does!

by Mark Tatulli http://www.gocomics.com/lio/Lio